Sunday, December 25, 2016

                                       Another Daughter




Long and lustrous it has grown,
Oiled and firmly plaited,
But for the unkempt appearance of her little being.
Her eyes, the shade of melted sugar.
From the depths of dark, shone as tiny sparkles.
Drawing one into its depth of innocence.
Her smile was like a thousand splendid suns,
menacing over the dark clouds...
A streak of light, a bloom of hope
she painted them all along.
Her little feet almost bare and parched,
never really cared of the Earth that much.
For she was the bearer of wings,
that made her fly high..
Her tiny hands were dirty and sweaty,
in them had she once held the catastrophe of rejection.
They said she waited so long,
for her unmarried mother who never came back home.
Dejected, she had waited along the corridor,
a dark marauding soul shrinking slowly without a fight.
No one came, none at all..
Silently they said, she had swallowed,
the melancholy of rejection, the agony of  being unwanted.

Slowlyshe learned to smile.
And smile she did, over and over
mocking at the ruthless treachery of fate,
repressing the agony and pain.
She had looked at me at first with hope.
Hope that I'd stay a little longer,
than the others who came and went.
The others who fancied their selfies and candy cam's,
the others who made her a mocking doll
of sympathy and showering fake lullabies into her little ears.
All gone in a day or two maybe,
misleading opportunists they might seem.

As years pass by she hugs me with love,
and wants me to take her into my arms.
Did I see a tear twinkle,
or was it love?
Two souls we are, in search of one..
another daughter not born in my womb.
Your laughter so tender and precious,
reminds me of the day I became a mother.
To be reborn again and again
into the soft tenderness of love.
Just as she is to me, you are too my child.
Never leaving your side,
for I'd always flutter around you,
with large mighty wings full of love.
A guardian angel in being to all.

Sreelakshmi
(2016)

Sunday, December 11, 2016

A Scandalous Soul





If I could paint my soul
I wonder what colour it'd be.
Would it be the colour of blood
a shade darker, I believe.
For I've sinned with crimes so heinous, my love.
I thought it was love of course,

Floating in primal pleasure,
you lay by my side.
Catching your breath and reposing in defeat.
Beads of sweat shone on your hairy chest,
pleasure flowed through your veins and lips.
Search I did on and on, for love in your eyes,
like a predator searching for its non-existing prey.
Lust and sin was all that I found,
but you'd said it was all love.

I heard the music so feeble and subtle,
and from my window pane I saw her sublime silhouette.
But when she came out I saw her anew,
her sweet lustrous hair danced by the wind.
The Sun with your might had lit it to flames,
of bright orange and fiery red.
Then, I saw her ripening gently,
and it was by the touch of your ardor.
Finally I found your love sweetheart,
you'd kept it safe from me for her.
My lips had trembled and I'd stooped down under,
as it slowly hit my bosom and tore me apart.

Was it broken pride and jealousy,
or a cry from a soul so pale and feeble?
I'd given it all to you my love,
but then you gave me back in lust when you'd thrust.
If at least in droplets had I received your love,
this soul wouldn't have been painted,
by her hot red blood.
Her hot red blood full of your love.

Sreelakshmi Nair
(2016)




Monday, February 3, 2014

the glorious MARUTHAMKUZHI saga....

first of all, I am happy to write something here after a while... and this write up is dedicated particularly to a lady who has got not just the ability to inspire but also to push me into a world of productive happiness.... it is none other than my best bud and my partner in crime-'Deepa Chechi'





I do not intend to shower a rain of appreciation or pull her up into the heights of the not-so-required praise...the fact that she is my bestie itself implies how much i value her...however with the fact that today being her birthday(evil happiness that she is turning old :P) this write up is nothing more than a gift for a human being who has stood by me throughout my ups an downs...we were the best around, and yes together we did wonders too..it is intriguing that sometimes we meet people who stay with us throughout, and its really not important how close we live.. 


from reading the same genre to watching movies and hanging out together, we've shared a lot of things...


 This story began some 2 years ago or so, when SD and I were still knocking the doors of help for our tiny little venture of social entrepreneurship called SARSAS. It was SD who told me about this lady whom he 'supposed' to be a Kindergarten teacher; someone  who consistently asked him to join our group. 

We knew with that kind of mature and experienced support there would be miracles...days and nights were strenuous but our vision being strong and definite we knew that we were on the right track. I was intrigued the very first day I met her, being simple yet beautiful she had solutions for almost all our problems...her charisma was enchanting. After a week or so I visited her house which was surprisingly close to mine...and it is right from then that we started jelling up.

The short one hour visits turned out to be really long ones and it even came to such a point that we forgot to go back home...our friendship revolved around ideas and its effective implementation rather people and gossips...we opened up a world of productivity and creativity with a noble vision; probably this was why our friendship grew stronger..accepting the rebellious me and the liberal SD, Deepa chechi became the conciliator..the three of us together started working together with the sole vision of serving and helping..those tiny steps that made individually, together became the foundation and basis for our baby to make its first step...


It is still wonderful when you go back in time and recollect such wonderful memories we spend with people who are not related to us by blood, but means much more than that.. Though we have had our share arguments, the fact that we do not really expect anything much from each other rather than 'friendship' has helped us survive... the trips that we had together, the parties and hang outs, the AOL sessions especially the DSN , everything together created a strong everlasting bond between us..


it is impossible to forget those lighter moments and the tonnes of happiness we have had...from listening to my stories and laughing at my silly jokes, Deepa chechi has surely become an important part of my life..

She has set an example on how to enjoy each moment of life rather than to sit and blame. At a time when I had completely lost my faith in friendship, she reinstalled and showed me how beautiful the power of friendship is. 

Friendship to me will always be her warm smile that lifted my spirits, those loving eyes that always reassured me and that caring hands which always held my arm..helping me to withstand the mightiest of all storms. Now,  distance being the villian I miss her company each and every moment. True friends are gods gift's and I am thankful to be blessed..



Lets celebrate friendship and enjoy each moment of our life... let the legend of 'MARUTHAMKUZHI SISTERS' linger into the hearts of all those who have lost hope and happiness in friendship, for there will always be someone who will redefine it... I have experienced this magic, and so will you....

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Flashes and fathoms-1

Kochi-Vayatila


Urban life has been sulking Madhurima Nambeesan for a long time, she missed her friends in her village in Kannur. Things were simple and people straight forward yet too many murders and bombs made her life miserable in Koothuparamba which finally forced her to shift to Kochi. Though it bears the inadvertent title of  being "The Queen of Arabian Sea" all that Madhu felt was a titular expression . Ah yes, she missed her village just like anyone who came to a city for the first time. She had trouble in communicating, it was impossible to understand what she said, basically because Kochiates are not much used with the Kannada influenced malayalam from Malabar. However Madhu survived, but what she missed was some smiling and friendly faces.



Kochi- Thevara


It was with great expectations did she gave life to her dream- "Paint me Blue". It was her ardent dream to become a social entrepreneur, Radhamani loved social service to any other career. Her friend always saw an emerging leader in her, and why not, she was industrious, intelligent and above all committed. There was an exceptional charisma about this lady, making her chutzpah the dominance at any gathering. But she was a simpleton who believed in the subtle joys for perennial happiness. She traveled a lot and it was common for her to meet and greet people. But her excellence in understanding human pain was her emphasizing and predominant character. Her work sufficed to the orphanages and old age homes in and around Kochi. But it was an ongoing work that filled her up. She thought "Arts and Craft" to the kids at orphanages  and made it a point to spread all the love she had to her little darlings. Her consistent visit to the old age homes with the hope of spreading all the happiness she has was received quite well by the grannies and grandpas. She gave them time, which was fortunately what they really wanted other than the occasional visit of a group of students presenting gifts or visiting them just for the sake of some "flashes". She never really brought anything for them other than an occasional set of books or fruits-which she grew in her garden. It made 'she' the 'object' that they eagerly waited for rather than  the gifts. Radha was living her life to the fullest, experiencing the joy in living the life the way she liked by helping in shaping others life. But then suddenly she was 'hit'- and that was when she met-
Madhurima Nambeesan



Kochi-Varkeys Super Bazar


John Mathappan was the only son of Peter  Arackkal Mathappan, a powerful name amongst the goondas in Fatehpur Sikri. He was shot in a gang war and succumbed later to the injuries. John was looked after by his mother who fled the place and settled in Kochi. She tried sending John to a nearby school, but had little success. Little John never spoke much to anyone, and when he did there was a rain of verbal abuse in Hindi. Mary Mathappan made it a point to send little John to the nearby church, especially on Sundays. Just like every other mother in the world, she feared her son would ruin his future. Slowly but gradually Mary saw visible changes in John. He stopped swearing and using abusive language and his interest shifted into painting. Mary decided to remarry a distant relative of hers due to insistence of her relatives. Little Johny was happy to be a Big Brother to the two kids who were born in time. But trouble crept in the small house of Mary after her third child was born, it was impossible to control Dominic as he felt John as an outsider. He beat the child constantly for absolutely no reason, all his mother could do was to beg and weep to spare her child. Finally John left home at 15 and never came back. He started earning money by accompanying  Painter Mani to his sites. He had money but not enough to survive. He was waiting for an interview as a sales boy at Varkeys when he saw this girl approaching him. She had the most beautiful smile in the world and suddenly the world seems to shrink down. He felt lighter, warmer and special. There was no way that he could take his eyes off this beautiful goddess send from heaven. As he looked she came closer to him and said something, John could see only her beautiful red lips forming shapes so good, her deep brown eyes with thick lashes fluttering, her hair moving rhythmically to the blow of the wind. He heard nothing but-'Madhurima Nambeesan'

to be continued.....

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Of DICTIONARIES and BLOGS

   I've been an ardent dictionary user for quite sometime, in fact dictionary is one of the books that i have always been carrying around . "The Oxford English Dictionary" has always been my favorite, the simple reason being that it was my first dictionary. It has been occupying that little corner of my hand bag for a long time. To some Dictionary is a necessity, i emphasize the  book worms here, the ones  who have nothing better than sinking into the pages of  imagination thankfully they are  harmless. Meanwhile for some it is a call of "Prestige", it was a trend during my college days(persistently existing) to carry around a Dictionary (or any book for that matter) longer and even bulkier than its owner only to cover the bosom, or rather for its better view. In either way this is the lot which I'm sure has taken up no pains to turn the pages of the "subject" . Then there is this lot who think it to be sophisticated, prestigious and above the normal degree to carry around of all the books , but Dictionary. They are the most intriguing of people you find, not only are they  proficiently efficient in using the book, but they count on it for each and every other word which could otherwise have been made simple.

My first poem was an accident, but as time flew the innocence left, but never in the work. Slowly and gradually Dictionary became a close friend of mine.  My sole intention was to make my work sound sophisticated and exceptional and this I did by the use of  the most trying words instead of the simple ones. This became my trend altogether for a long time. But things started changing when "ITS MY CAULDRON" happened.I was inspired to start it after a collision with one of the popular blogs. Her blog was an overnight success, there was nothing special about the blog other than the occasional sexually arousing anecdotes of the blogger. But the reason for its success was that, it was told right from the heart and the language used was simple, urbane and awesome. There was a beautiful mixture of the right words at the right time, without a fuss on the persistent use of my old friend 'Mr Dictionary'. The narrative glued us to the seats and gave a better picture of the events that happened to the blogger and to what she felt. 

Recently there was yet another "head on collision" with a friend of mine, after the usual exchange of greetings the guy simply send me his blog link insisting that he was the "Father of English Language". It was with great expectations did i open up the link only to find it to be deeply disappointing. It was impossible to read even a single line of his creation without strenuous use of Mr D. This effort shrunk the whole idea which was expressed with great anticipation. I'm sure there was surely some cream, which unfortunately was waiting for a good churn in the form of a complete revamp.

I wish this friend of mine understand that it is always a simple presentation that actually gives the right punch to the right people. Eventually the idea of all the writers including "bloggers" is either to convey some message or share an experience. In both situations it is absolutely necessary that the reader understands the matter conveyed, and only when this happens the process of communication is complete. It is not the exhibition of advertant  and complicated use of words that brings out the best writer in you, but it is the sublimity, observation, humor ,originality and simplicity that dominates. I love Dictionary but id rather not  dement my brain . For in the end of the day my neck and the pain there, will always be my own...

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Run 'AMMA' RUN!!!

(Not so)Dear 'AMMA' ;

 It Is time you learn the basic lessons of humanity. I'm not an anti Tamilian nor do i have anything against the people in Tamil Nadu. In fact I've got more Tamil friends than from my own place. Ive always wished to settle in Chennai, for the people has always been extremely caring and friendly. It is disheartening to find that although you are in the supreme position in the state of Tamil Nadu, you seems to be lacking the spirit of a good human being, which i should emphasize to be an indispensable part of a leader. It is through the little acts of kindness that embeds a person forever in others hearts. Im sure these must be part of your propaganda before elections. It is good to see a developed Tamil Nadu because from what we have learned, it is a part of India and that all the people including you are the citizens of this great land. Though however your profile seems to be intriguing to which i have no absolute right to shadow, but i do take the liberty to limelight that you seems to be giving little justice to whatever education you have received. Apparently you must be wondering that your 63 years of lifespan has brought you into too many ups and downs and it is that life which has been your 'guru'. Im sorry to say this but im forced to, it is the ones that give justice to humanity and not the tyrants who are the actual leaders. I am not saying that you are a bad leader, but the influence that you provide to your people is not intriguing. Of course some of your remarkable steps have given Tamil Nadu development, but remember what is the use of just development when there is no one to adore? Again it is the survival that matters the most for us human beings,and it is this instinct that has made us supreme. You must be knowing just like me that there is no level to what human determination could do. It is not during the times when people hold on for their poor dear lives that one must show the tedious amount of selfishness arrogance and heinous stubbornness. Tamil Nadu and Kerala has always tried to keep an amicable relationship throughout and it is only when the life of not "few"(if that doesnt interest you) but a lot of people is at stake that made even the common man to come out against you. Basically we are tired and scared of this reprehensible action of yours. Interestingly it is the burst of these emotions that forces even the most common man to be doing uncommon deeds. Tyrants have a short lifespan, history has thought us so. Either they change their ways or revolution forces them to. These small agitations if not taken care of may result in "civil war" which is being feared by not just the leaders but also common people like us. Flood, destruction to flaura, fauna and above all life of men would all be blamed on your massive shoulders, "IRON LADY". I remember your visit to The Guruvayoor Temple sometime back . You had gifted a baby elephant to Lord Krishna. If you are not an atheist then in what religion and which god justifies the killing of people? I have no right to your private matters but i wonder what would you do for the upcoming traumatic insomnia. No amount of water(which seems to be the issue of the hour if you notice) will wipe away the drops of blood splashed over you. Everything in this world is connected so are we, and if you remember it is the same planet that we share. To be more specific it is the resources of the country called "INDIA" that we share. Oops! I forgot the part that it is just "Tamil Nadu" for you. Bravo! what a step towards national integration!!(rather a threat)9/10 people here listen to the songs of Ilayaraja, Harris Jayaraj and so many other maestros. The actors like Surya,Sivaji Ganeshan, Vijay and so many more have always stolen our hearts and tamil is understood and even spoken around just like our mother tongue. Is your arrogance mightier than the power of love? Oh yes love that runs through the veins of every Indian for the love of their country and its people. Beware your name has started to be spoken in every street of the world, for in every corner of the world there lives our brothers and sisters. So run 'AMMA', run before it is too late; let-"LIVE AND LET LIVE" be the motto that you follow.

 Regardless "SOME INDIAN CITIZEN"

Saturday, November 26, 2011

'SAAS-BAHU' a rare species

It seems to be a trend among the people these days to be running away from domestic chores or anything connected with that "D" word, i am fortunately not different from it in any way. With constant reminders to do this and that my mother-in-law seems to have shown the white flag. Basically the older generation has digested the fact about how scary the "D" word is to us. The fact is when something becomes an unavoidable chore the brain somehow creates new waves to run away form it. Life is now revolving around machines and thanks to whoever has invented them, for one thing they saves time and for another it helps the professional(not to mention lazy) to run away from "the prohibited area" called "Kitchen". A territory for which the battle for dominating took place once. Apparently it has shrunk into the status of a burnt 'cigarette butt". It has the memories of the past of the then "new bahu". Their first day i call it the "impression creator day" used to be the day for pleasing especially your "mother-in-law" with your excellency, dedication and thrive in doing each and every domestic chore in the house. The sugar coating, my darling though however obvious it seems doesn't have a long life. It breaks its charm once when the impressions have become "overly successful". One can actually get this feeling the very next day when you are expected to be doing every other chore in the house with your "sublime" mother-in-law(lets call her M) who sits on the that high couch and "dictates". If you have the feeling that youve finally got hold of her territory, sorry folks you're in for a big surprise. That was an evident "offer letter" for working under your "worst nightmare". May be these were the reasons for the word "domestication" to be classified. Lets not create a wrong impression in the mind of others that we can do every other work in the house and still stay quite and humble like the "impossible bahu's" in the serials. Today's "bahu"(B) unlike their contemporaries in the past have learned to emerge from the ashes of their ancestors. We are are not ready to be tamed or domesticated, and the strong expectation of sharing work is evident. Gone are days when most B's hide inside the pallu with a bent head. We have learned how to be self sufficient and has that "I DONT CARE" attitude and when dirty games are played, remember that we are the "guru" of these games. High levels of IQ and huge salary and high positions have obviously raised our status from being "the domestic goddess" to that of "urban queens". It is the one power of love and care that binds us and not Procrustean means. The traditional M's have no other means but to accept this. Apparently domestication is not a violation of rights but the "you have to do everything" attitude is the trouble. The previous conundrums created on this matter paved way to women to emerge out from the four walls and to understand the world, and once understood there is no returning. Im sure the traditional 'saas-bahu' fights are loosing their "star value" with women having no time "to think too much".This succession or change in phase of woman have created peace and harmony in the world called "FAMILY". There is a constant flow of positive energy pulling us closer to that happy circle with stronger bonds.

Friday, November 25, 2011

The Calculus

I remember reading about "corporal punishment" vs "solitary confinement" and the short story that we had to study in our 12th std had a different twist in the climax. It was then for the first time that the existence of solitary confinement struck my head. A particular young lady i met recently emphasized that she actually loved being alone and that she enjoyed her company than anyone else's. This was again another drift, the whole point was that if people actually enjoyed being alone it would be a whole new experience.

The one particular thing in life is the absence or rather inability to understand ones true self. The feel of the fresh flow of the blood, the true smell of one's sweat, the heart that beats, the eyes that flutter, the fingers that move according to our will and the limbs that carry us to the place we wish. Whoa its truly a wonderful experience to be alive. The last time id sensed this passion was when i carried my daughter, it was a whole new experience to carry a life within. It is during the times like these that makes me realize that im not different from any other animal.

A kitten strode into our house some days back, "mewing" and "purring" and that look of innocence.(Oh god! that look and that word is the one thing that id die for, Maybe because its too rare these days) I took it in my arms clumsily and there i felt its tiny heart beating and could even sense its fear. I wonder what these creatures think about humans..'dinosaurs'?? Life is such a wonderful gift but just a few realize,the hardest part is staying happy and contented. Th mantra for the present generation is not the subject of survival because that part has already been accomplished. But to stay happy and contented and the enjoyment of existence in itself. A drop of solitary confinement should become a part of our life at least for an hour in a day. Just to enjoy ourselves. Its time to be selfish, for if we don't care for ourselves no one would, times have changed. long gone are days when people rush out and reached out for help, heard shouts or screams. The only person that cares for you in the end of the day is you yourself.

Self realization is as important as that of having food. It sets the goals and decides upon the right path. It not just bring upon professional success but also brings an inner peace and harmony, helping us to settle down with ourselves. There are innumerable ways to experiment with oneself and the biggest advantage being that, there is no one to question.

I love being "selfish" it has helped me survive. There was absolutely no bitch who stood by me to share my pain and no dogs who showed sympathy or mercy, but greed and the triumph at my fall. But everyone joined hands when the sunny days came. It was "I" who felt each and every experience. There is nothing as that of "sharing pain". Your pains are your own and no one really cared whether it was the smile that glowed or the tear that dropped. It was i who stood for myself, my determination to survive and the power to move on. With all these and even more I simply love my whole existence and salute the accurate calculus through which He created "ME".

Thursday, November 24, 2011

"Just Ignore"

It really brings the temper out of me when i find that some expectations of mine are deliberately shattered. This especially effects me badly if it happens from someone who has been really close to my heart. But the trouble is-they must have not kept me in the same way as id kept them. I keep it a point to be in touch with people i care even when ive little time. But somehow it was misinterpreted to be an ongoing activity of an idle "house wife". The funny part was that i tried to prove them otherwise. Apparently it came in as not just a challenge to me but also a breakthrough from my previous mundane shell. Even after my constant efforts i was discouraged again with another new excuse that they have learned to move on and that their present status is not less than that of "Mr President"(lol). My long mails were unanswered and so were my constant tries to call them. But somehow it still didnt strike my head that they really didnt need my presence in their life any longer and that they have 'learned' and 'grown' much more than what i have..well it could be just my complex turmoils..

Anyways my point is that I have no complaints but in fact im grateful for this "ignorance" and their "self sophistication" turned out to be a boon for me. It helped to realize the hard truth about all relations. It gave me strength to what they say as moving on. The best part is that ive learned just to ignore and above all to completely delete them from my life. May be this posting in itself could be interpreted as a reminder. But no this is just a "tribute" for the herculean challenge i faced.

Ive made a comfort zone of my own and in it there are some precious jewels, who gives value to relations as i do. But even if they turn out to be otherwise it would simply not effect me in any manner. Its just my freedom and the love for my self that has made me realise to play even the dirtiest of games in life. The theory is evident "survival of the fittest". Maybe i could be termed as "cruel", "arrogant" or even "selfish" but that just goes through me without absorption.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Ive never really given any notice to Kamala Das (id like to call her that way) until a couple of days back when i came across some of her poems. They were not just direct, but somehow i could find myself in it. Her poems are all direct,touching and simply wonderful...now here is one which id like to read and re read


The Looking Glass

Getting a man to love you is easy
Only be honest about your wants as
Woman. Stand nude before the glass with him
So that he sees himself the stronger one
And believes it so, and you so much more
Softer, younger, lovelier. Admit your
Admiration. Notice the perfection
Of his limbs, his eyes reddening under
The shower, the shy walk across the bathroom floor,
Dropping towels, and the jerky way he
Urinates. All the fond details that make
Him male and your only man. Gift him all,
Gift him what makes you woman, the scent of
Long hair, the musk of sweat between the breasts,
The warm shock of menstrual blood, and all your
Endless female hungers. Oh yes, getting
A man to love is easy, but living
Without him afterwards may have to be
Faced. A living without life when you move
Around, meeting strangers, with your eyes that
Gave up their search, with ears that hear only
His last voice calling out your name and your
Body which once under his touch had gleamed
Like burnished brass, now drab and destitute.
-- Kamala Das

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Personality twist


As the years flow by I can see myself into various situations in life which I had never ever dreamed of. Of course life itself is a dream to be engulfed into the hands of a beautiful unknown. But over the, I feel that life itself is an adventure, and the reason is simple. On every mode of philosophical thoughts, I find it interesting that life is uncertain. This is the simple truth that makes life so dear and special. Many compare life with beautiful and sometimes weird similes. But mine is something which I have been experimenting, it is from a different point of view. You may even call it a personality twist.
Life is bound with a lot of energies and as the laws in physics state it is transferred from one form to another. Most of us hear ourselves saying that some people “click” in our life while some don’t. Believe it or not this has to do with the energies. All of us are embodiments of tremendous energy, but it just that none realize. Haven’t you heard of the simple word “will” or even the proverb “If there is a will there is a way.” It is when we realize our own potential and our energy do we understand what the right path is and for this I believe observations plays a key role. One has got to be a good observer to be a winning player, and life is all but a game. Making a game plan requires skill experience and observation. By observing, what I mean is to observe ourselves. There exist two kinds of energies- negative and positive. Being a keen observer makes us realize what to select and what not select. I would personally not suggest you to pick up only the positive ones. Instead it would rather be interesting to play with the negatives. The challenge is how to make it positive. It can even be called as searching for one’s self.

It is by becoming a spectator to our activities that makes us understand our faults, failures, success, happiness and so on. I feel that it is better to be peaceful than to be happy. But of course happiness is the primary step towards peace. It is only when we are contented with ourselves and when we accept ourselves as the greatest gift do we realize ourselves. It is a step towards appreciation of life and appreciation of the Divine.

Every path in life is a challenge or in numeric sense a problem, and solving a problem makes life happening. Well, I would personally choose to live with problems than being without one, and I assume everyone would. For problems makes life interesting and solving them makes us confident and self loving.

Life is never something that could be written into papers or ‘word pads’ but rather an experience. Some are shared and some are not. I felt that this was something to be shared. I am not arguing whatever I have written is right, but just sharing the thoughts that went through when I had my personality twist.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

inertia and i


inertia is actually a path in life i suppose..its actually put on just to welcome the upcoming pressure and tensions which most of us enjoy..life is a platform for all of us to learn..at least a new thing everyday.there are so many people in our life who gives us happiness even the smallest of the butterflies though however flickering..brings bubbles of happiness.

i was caught in the rough hands of inertia for quite sometime..but then I'm happy that i didn't give up..a small strive and lots luck helped me push up the dead soul of mine..I'm happy that I'm working again..and the inertia??i hope its gone for good.. :P

Saturday, August 15, 2009

and then came pain....

its down there deep inside of me swalowing me slowly inch by inch..in my quest i found you..my love i thought you will be.but alas it was just a days work..like it was said by him..gone too soon..gone too soon..gone too soon..but my dear ive enjoyed every second i was with you..even if it was just a single day..no one has ever done what you have...sometimes silence speaks everything..i hope you understand

Friday, July 10, 2009

WHAT ABOUT YOU????





gone too soon..
these are the only words that rings in my mind whenever i hear my superhero ,the "king of pop".like all the other zillion fans in the world i wish he was alive..just alive somewhere.
i first heard about MJ through my dad's collection.i simply thought it was a girl!!!i had little access to T.V or any other media for that matter.but whatever the fact was i gave little importance for i was simply carried over by the music."Dangerous" that was the name of the album..i used to listen to his tunes..the first thing i did when i reached back home.the songs are still "embedded" in my heart.after sometime i came to know that it was a guy who actually sang ,composed,directed and danced for the songs i loved the most.then one day i actually saw his dance..."awesome" those were the only;y words that could actually come out.i still wonder if anybody could dance like him.he was simply " THE flubber".so (damn) flexible!!!!His moves in BILLIE JEAN is the best..but i simply love BEAT IT...


it was sad that this great LEGEND had to go through all the hardships that life actually challenged him with...but i do not believe one word of it....he will always be my superhero!!!

...and the day i heard he died...gosh.i wish i never heard that..i could not move away from the T.V i was hopping against hope tnat the news was all wrong..


i believe MJ is still alive somewhere..this is not it...THIS IS NOT IT!!!!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

GIFTS FOREVER!!!!




we were piled over with gifts for our marriage,my brother's marriage and then my daughter's birthday.and with celebrations comes friends and family;and with them comes gifts.piles of them.i have a special feeling for being pampered around with gifts surprised ones or just simply "the have to give ones".gifts are gifts small or big.
after all the celebration all i could find in my house were the gift boxes...i was a bit bemused and was unable to distinguish the ones that were the real gifts and the ones that was gifted and then turned out to be a gift again... it took us one whole day to rip off the wrap and to actually see the treasure dug inside.and then to categorize the ones that are to be accepted and the gifts which will forever be just gifts :P

this is almost like a game.when rounded around the "forever gifts" might even ironically end up to the person who might have actually brought it.well that's what you can actually call a "surprise gift".the good thing is that you still know your gift is safe and sound!!!!

well personally i feel this is an open way to show how cheap you are.though however happy i would feel when pampered with gifts i still do not prefer the "gifted gifts".its better not to gift at all!!!!

definitely an indian

hey i read this in one of the blogs...its pretty interesting!!!!

WHY ARE INDIANS EASY TO IDENTIFY...???> Cool one...We are like this only so true,very true..........> 1. Everything you eat is savored in garlic, onion and> tomatoes.> > 2.. You try and reuse gift=2 0wrappers, gift boxes, and of> course aluminum foil.> > 3.. You are always standing next to the two largest size> suitcases at the Airport.> > 4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think> it's normal.> > 5. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service> missed to stamp.> > 6. You recycle Wedding Gifts, Birthday Gifts and> Anniversary Gifts.> > 7. You name your children in rhythms (example, Sita &> Gita, Ram & Shyam, Kamini & Shamini..)> > 8.. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere,> close to their real names.> > 9. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says 'No Food> Allowed.' > > 10. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving> someone's house.> > 11. You load up the family car with as many people as> possible.> > 12. HIGH PRIORITY ***** You use plastic to cover anything> new in your house> whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new> couch. ***** > > 13. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends> think, but they won't let you do certain things because> of what the other 'Uncles and Aunties' will think.> > 14. You buy and display crockery, which is never used, as> it is for special occasions, which never happen.> > 15. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.> > 16.. You use grocery bags to hold garbage. > > 17. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many> numbers of bowls as possible.> > 18. Your kitchen shelf is full of jars, varieties of bowls> and plastic utensils (got free with purchase of other stuff)> > 19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel> (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).> > 20. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.> > 21. You fight over who pays the dinner bill. > > 22. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old.> (And they prefer it that way).> > 23. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.> > 24.. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.> > 25. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to> see you off or receive you whether you are travel ing by bus,> train or plane.> > 26. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest> in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel> proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of> light.> > 27. You only make long distance calls after 11p.m.> > 28. If you don't live at home, when your parents call,> they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight. > > 29. You call an older person you never met before Uncle or> Aunty.> > 30. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few> minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant> cousin.> > 31. Your parents don't realize phone connections to> foreign > countries have improved in the last two decades, and still> scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.> > 32. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them> from getting dirty.> > 33. Its embarrassing if you're wedding has less than> 600 people. > > 34. All your Tupperware is stained with food color.> > 35. You have drinking glasses made of steel.> > 36. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping. > > 37. You have really enjoyed reading this mail - forward it> to as many Indians as possible.> > I STILL LOVE TO BE AN INDIAN.

Monday, May 18, 2009

confused ass usual :P


well its been sometime since i have actually blogged..Ive just got up lazily from my sleep and then i couldn't just control this urge in me to pen down..ehem click down to be exact..
its been 2 years since pune has been my second home...i love this city for its freedom and the privacy..more than that it gave me an independence which none of the place has ever given..not prejudiced about the other places though..i love my hometown though however narrow the place is and its people are.
we're shifting!!and i still cant digest the fact.. somehow i don't like the idea..this you may say can be categorized to sacrifice.i really don't like the idea of living under one roof with so many people with such a lot of differences..i know i can adjust its not that i have attitude problem..and even if i have its simply my own headache..


confused as always i am now..
relations have become too raw
rages of fury growing inside
will never leave my side
i wish i could make a difference
a justice i can do to myself
freedom is all i urge
my heart is still on the verge
the warrior in me arises
when my pride is abused!!!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

EVERYDOG HAS ITS DAY

and so has slum dog millionaire...like every Indian i am happy or to be exact a bit wild..but the irony is that i haven't watched the movie yet.and frankly i don't feel interested for i already know the storyline and sorry it didn't interest me much.im not trying to criticise.but like priyadarshan was saying the other day..there have been so many movies with the same theme but slum dog reached the door of the Oscars as it was directed by a foreign director.but whatever it is i am happy that someone actually noticed our talents and especially A R Rahmans(just a little late of course).but interestingly there was a lot of controversies for the film.well I'm of the opinion that controversies at times are created for making the film noticed.but anyways slum dog survived all the way through and now stands tall with the Oscars.

"tare zameen par" which was previously selected but declined later on was having a much more powerful topic.and it was something that the world must be seeing for the first time.even the short documentary "smile pinky"also sounded interesting.


well Oscar or not the biggest achievement for any film maker is appreciation from the audience.and for me films are nothing but entertainment.of course i don't deny the fact that films can convey some messages.i wish the Oscar committee or whatever it is will have a broader mind in the coming years.but once again i am happy that we've being recognised.and congrats to the full slum dog millionaire are family.

Friday, December 12, 2008

stop staring , im no lesbian!!

Well, I came to notice her recently. She is my neighbor, and that’s all she is to me. Nothing more than that, we had never exchanged even a smile, not even one friendly jesture.but lately I have noticed how much she was interested in what’s happening in my life. And especially me. And this has really bemused me with a lot of silly dellusions.one where I was even forced to imagine her as even to be a lesbian. Well frankly i am not one; my daughter says it all :) .

I have noticed her hungrily gawping through her window into my apartment. I still wonder what’s it with her. Is she trying to study me? I have no idea. And recently she has even tried to make some silly conversation with me. And to my surprise she even invited me to her apartment. Well dear what should I interpret from this behavior of hers? Is she lunatic, well she doesn’t look like one? But when I had gone for the kitty party last week, one of my friends was asking me to stay away from her. Most women in our society take her as a lesbian.

I don’t have any problem even if she was one. The reason is simple, I just don’t care. But I do care for one thing; gosh I really don’t want to be stared at! At least not at my home! I need my own privacy .I don’t want to be a piece of entertainment. Yesterday I decided to shut my windows. And did it help? No way, she has found her own way to peep into my life again and this time it was from her balcony. I was seriously into a dilemma yesterday. And even had a restless sleep. Her stare was making me go eccentric. I was turning out to be some else even at my home, with the fear of her staring, like shobha de was telling enough is enough! I just couldn’t take this anymore so finally I found my way out!


The first thing I did this morning was to open up all my windows draw the curtains. Then I saw her standing near her window and staring into my privacy. It wasn’t just anger that was running through me; it was almost like a vengeance. I started staring back at her, without a blink, with my full might and vigor I fought her through my stare. She was an excellent counterpart but eventually she gave up. I smiled at her and told her that staring was not just one sided and. with this one sentence I left her and went back to my couch, though however dramatic the situation was I felt at peace now. I knew she wouldn’t peep into my privacy again. And she hasn’t dared too, till now.

I had even recently written about this but I never thought this would happen to me. Home is the most comfortable place in the whole world. And it is our right to have some privacy. People like her have nothing to do but to peep into other people’s life. I wonder what do they get through this. Our life is our own and it is not some kind of show for others to watch on. As I lay down in my bed today it almost seems like some kind of burden has been taken away from me.im happy with myself. As I fought for my freedom!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

11 EAST STREET CAFE

I’ve been to mg road a zillion times and Ive seen that double Decker eagerly catching my attention always. But something really didn’t make me go there. Yesterday the magic worked. I finally went to the 11 east street cafe. And by god I just loved it from the beginning.

The staff, the food and the crowd was really warm especially when at this chilly winter. it was almost like a street and one could find a lot of cozy, warm chairs to sit,and many shops too. The ambiance was of course good but it was all a little dark too giving us privacy. And our tables were lit with a beautiful aroma candle. There were reminders of an old English street and there were many light posts with the British flags. And in the middle there was a beautiful fountain with artistic statues of three beautiful angels. There was even a miniature of a double Decker bus with a miniature driver on it. It was actually the baking space. There were chocolates, pastries of all kinds which obviously made me bounce with joy. Upstairs was almost like a lounge peaceful, calm and spacious and some soft music added peace to the atmosphere.

Food was delicious; there was everything from American, English, German, French to Chinese, Thai, and Indian. There was a small bar with a lot of drinks including softies, hotties; even the cocktails and mock tails were extra special. We ordered for two hot dogs which I haven’t had for some time. While we waited we talked about the place, the place and again the place.this was one good place to hang out especially after the long tiring week. This was a wonderful place to meet and make friends from all around the world.

The cafe gave a great change in our mood. Especially after seeing the merry faces and wonderful food, id love to spend most of my weekends there rather than another 5 star hotels. I heard one of the waiters explaining to the customers that this was a miniature make of an original one which was actually there in London.anyways i am in love with the place and ill surely love to spend most of our special moments there.
For its worth it!!!