Saturday, November 29, 2008

for you i bleed...

You’ve been a part of me even before you came into this world. The apple of my eye. I’ve felt each and every moment of your presence. Still remember the first time I saw you during the scan on a TV you looked nothing more than a prawn with nothing. I could see your heart beat and you were just growing.ah! What pleasure it was to feel you grow inside me each and everyday. I felt important and more than anything else I felt wanted. It’s a common feeling for sure but for me it was special. As the days turned to months you were growing steadier and stronger. Your kicks were powerful and deliberate. But I enjoyed every bit of it. You gave me confidence that I am not alone and that there are much more beautiful things in life in this cynical world. You gradually became my power, my hope.

When it was time for you to come I couldn’t just wait to see you. Your face, the most beautiful thing in the world. A face of a promising new life. It was a painkiller for itself and with this hope I had lied on the bed expecting your arrival. And then came pain. It was a little too much for me to bear but I did it and then you came into this world, my darling daughter! Crying out aloud for disturbing your sleep. You were looking around for someone…was it for me? I was too afraid to touch you for you were so delicate. But as a matter of fact all I wanted to do was to hug and kiss you. I saw you…I saw myself.

The rain came and then the thunder, the winds were strong or was it a tornado…you held on to me. And my arms wrapped around you protectively. No wind can take you away and no rain can wash us apart for you are my child. What a brave heart you have for kept on pulling away uncertainties and hurdles, you tried till you succeeded. To climb the stepping stones in life and gradually you made me change from a mother to a teacher and at times a student too..

You are learning to walk now learning to stand on your own. And I am so happy you made through all the hurdles. But what lies ahead? My childhood was full of butterflies, puppies, flowers and toys. And by god I am so damn lucky I had them..

But what about you my dear..?Is it AK 47s, hand grenade and atom bombs? What can I promise you my dear? When I have nothing to promise for myself? I have no idea whether ill live tomorrow. For the world is one hell of a place to live…and then someone says its survival of the fittest. Is it applicable to all those orphaned yesterday by the carnage at mumbai yesterday? With what hope will I send you out, even to a school? I have no worries whether you will survive . But that whether you will come back home alive…

There are a lot of people who doesn’t want a child. And I stand by them. There is nothing left in the world other than anger, vengeance and sorrow. People are dying everyday for someone else’s ideologies. am i bringing you up as a prey for others to simply slay? I am so sorry to have brought you in this world and I hope you will forgive me…here i am bleeding, for Ill always love you..