stop staring , im no lesbian!!

Well, I came to notice her recently. She is my neighbor, and that’s all she is to me. Nothing more than that, we had never exchanged even a smile, not even one friendly jesture.but lately I have noticed how much she was interested in what’s happening in my life. And especially me. And this has really bemused me with a lot of silly dellusions.one where I was even forced to imagine her as even to be a lesbian. Well frankly i am not one; my daughter says it all :) .

I have noticed her hungrily gawping through her window into my apartment. I still wonder what’s it with her. Is she trying to study me? I have no idea. And recently she has even tried to make some silly conversation with me. And to my surprise she even invited me to her apartment. Well dear what should I interpret from this behavior of hers? Is she lunatic, well she doesn’t look like one? But when I had gone for the kitty party last week, one of my friends was asking me to stay away from her. Most women in our society take her as a lesbian.

I don’t have any problem even if she was one. The reason is simple, I just don’t care. But I do care for one thing; gosh I really don’t want to be stared at! At least not at my home! I need my own privacy .I don’t want to be a piece of entertainment. Yesterday I decided to shut my windows. And did it help? No way, she has found her own way to peep into my life again and this time it was from her balcony. I was seriously into a dilemma yesterday. And even had a restless sleep. Her stare was making me go eccentric. I was turning out to be some else even at my home, with the fear of her staring, like shobha de was telling enough is enough! I just couldn’t take this anymore so finally I found my way out!


The first thing I did this morning was to open up all my windows draw the curtains. Then I saw her standing near her window and staring into my privacy. It wasn’t just anger that was running through me; it was almost like a vengeance. I started staring back at her, without a blink, with my full might and vigor I fought her through my stare. She was an excellent counterpart but eventually she gave up. I smiled at her and told her that staring was not just one sided and. with this one sentence I left her and went back to my couch, though however dramatic the situation was I felt at peace now. I knew she wouldn’t peep into my privacy again. And she hasn’t dared too, till now.

I had even recently written about this but I never thought this would happen to me. Home is the most comfortable place in the whole world. And it is our right to have some privacy. People like her have nothing to do but to peep into other people’s life. I wonder what do they get through this. Our life is our own and it is not some kind of show for others to watch on. As I lay down in my bed today it almost seems like some kind of burden has been taken away from me.im happy with myself. As I fought for my freedom!

11 EAST STREET CAFE

I’ve been to mg road a zillion times and Ive seen that double Decker eagerly catching my attention always. But something really didn’t make me go there. Yesterday the magic worked. I finally went to the 11 east street cafe. And by god I just loved it from the beginning.

The staff, the food and the crowd was really warm especially when at this chilly winter. it was almost like a street and one could find a lot of cozy, warm chairs to sit,and many shops too. The ambiance was of course good but it was all a little dark too giving us privacy. And our tables were lit with a beautiful aroma candle. There were reminders of an old English street and there were many light posts with the British flags. And in the middle there was a beautiful fountain with artistic statues of three beautiful angels. There was even a miniature of a double Decker bus with a miniature driver on it. It was actually the baking space. There were chocolates, pastries of all kinds which obviously made me bounce with joy. Upstairs was almost like a lounge peaceful, calm and spacious and some soft music added peace to the atmosphere.

Food was delicious; there was everything from American, English, German, French to Chinese, Thai, and Indian. There was a small bar with a lot of drinks including softies, hotties; even the cocktails and mock tails were extra special. We ordered for two hot dogs which I haven’t had for some time. While we waited we talked about the place, the place and again the place.this was one good place to hang out especially after the long tiring week. This was a wonderful place to meet and make friends from all around the world.

The cafe gave a great change in our mood. Especially after seeing the merry faces and wonderful food, id love to spend most of my weekends there rather than another 5 star hotels. I heard one of the waiters explaining to the customers that this was a miniature make of an original one which was actually there in London.anyways i am in love with the place and ill surely love to spend most of our special moments there.
For its worth it!!!

not so feministic!!!!

I was at the grocery store yesterday with my darling Naomi clinging on me and looking around fascinated. I wonder what’s so fascinating in the grocery store anyways.maybe it’s the baby thing again.well,what took my attention was a new portion they had added on the store-the magazine section.wowie I was really excited with the idea that ill be able to read something again(ive cut short everything here thanks to my new budget!!)A simple magazine would surely mean no harm. Amidst the business magazines which were on a plenty my eyes fell upon femina. I haven’t read it in all my life!!


But alas I was fooled yet again (well I do not deny the fact that I am fooled often) but this was a little too much especially when I was practically experimenting my budget plan. I was fooled from the beginning. I lost my 40 rupees. And it was better to have brought an Archie’s or any other comic for that matter, atleast I wouldn’t sit down complaining!!!i was actually on the notion that there would be a lot of girly stuffs. But phew, leave girly stuffs the matter was simply scarce. I wonder what was going through the editor’s head. Just advertisements? And a whole lot of them. And when I say advertisements I shouldn’t miss
Saying that they are pointed to the upper class or rather the rich unlike for the ones like me who strive to keep the house running on a small budget for a month. Winter collections, spring collections, accessories blah blah blah and the list just goes on (this is not a fashion channel for gods sake!!)
Interestingly, the main article was that of the 50 most beautiful women in India. Well dear never did i caste my vote leave the fact that I haven’t even heard of its voting. Who selected them? People living in the elite sections of our society are always lucky and privileged to be described as beautiful. I believe there are more beautiful woman in India than any of those which has been put on in the magazine.

And the other articles, it was absolutely rubbish; they haven’t given justice to even recipes which was also put on just for the elite. Well don’t we exist at all. I think even when they are targeting profit a little importance should have been given to the middle class. for they take in for the majority. is it that they lack columnists? or is it because there is lack of talent or creativity? Well I think our country is overflowing with people having all of them together but luck!

There are so many things happening to a woman these days? Is famina showing the world is still full of optimists and only beauty? I think this is a little too much. This was almost like shutting the eyes and pretending that everything is going all normal. There is much more to a magazine it should at least make the reader think, imagine and influence, femina obviously lacked in everything. a magazine should be a voice for the under privileged a voice to express not just beauty but also agony and loss…especially at bad times like these.
Well at least I won’t be reading famina anymore. Readers digest is always my favourite, atleast there are lots of creamy contents. Maybe Tanya chitanya would read it up one day and put up an apology press conference…

INVOKING THE DIVINE

I know a change has come over me and hey it’s nothing to do with barrack obama.its something to do with my self. Some kind of stupid notion had taken over me previously which used to make me think cynical. Now that the phase has passed out I sit in my couch my legs crossed and looking up at the ceiling which obviously was integrate. I still don’t get what has happened to me but whatever it is it’s actually giving me a good feeling or rather I felt at peace. I had recently gone for a dance programme so maybe some kind of pathos has taken over me. As I arrange my potpourri I am still thinking what was this feeling? Well I got it! It’s obviously got to do with dance. To be more specific it has got to do with my whole self.

I am a person who can really get influenced by arts. And by arts I mean to specify that I love dance. It actually is like a prayer to me which helps in invoking my self. I still remember the time when my mother used to drag me to my dance class which never used to impress me. I was so mechanical. But gradually when I stopped it. I really came to know how much I missed dancing; it was almost like not taking my bath. I came to realize how much it had influenced me subconsciously. Sometimes even deliberate actions by our parents can change our way of thinking completely. It was almost like making me taste dal makhani which is actually delicious but can’t take it in for the cream. But then once you’ve tasted it, it turns out to be a favorite dish. But when I talk about deliberate actions there are so many things in life which just comes in without any force…it was almost like written to us before hand. Even in the most dramatic turbulence of our life some kind of suavity or adaptive ness comes into us. It almost makes us question ourselves and I should say this is the most powerful element found only in us, the Homo sapiens.

It was always in my thought whether there was god or not, but it is in our nature to blame someone for our misfortunes and appreciate our selves for happiness. But I believe that there is some force that is really watching over us. And we just name it as Allah, ram or Jesus. I think these are just paths to an eternal peace…nirvana. I can almost feel his glance at me, at this mere puny creature like me who must be just another piece of creation for him. But no he has always been kind to me.ive always been mercifully granted a second chance. And this I feel is another cause of change that has come over me. I know I am into a quest a quest to learn the ultimate truth of life within life. And then to be lucid over everything that happens around me. I know it will take some time but like I said before I am not cynical anymore.


Its time I put my words into action let me find my self let me dance, a dance that would invoke myself and bring my atman closer to the paramatman…

for you i bleed...

You’ve been a part of me even before you came into this world. The apple of my eye. I’ve felt each and every moment of your presence. Still remember the first time I saw you during the scan on a TV you looked nothing more than a prawn with nothing. I could see your heart beat and you were just growing.ah! What pleasure it was to feel you grow inside me each and everyday. I felt important and more than anything else I felt wanted. It’s a common feeling for sure but for me it was special. As the days turned to months you were growing steadier and stronger. Your kicks were powerful and deliberate. But I enjoyed every bit of it. You gave me confidence that I am not alone and that there are much more beautiful things in life in this cynical world. You gradually became my power, my hope.

When it was time for you to come I couldn’t just wait to see you. Your face, the most beautiful thing in the world. A face of a promising new life. It was a painkiller for itself and with this hope I had lied on the bed expecting your arrival. And then came pain. It was a little too much for me to bear but I did it and then you came into this world, my darling daughter! Crying out aloud for disturbing your sleep. You were looking around for someone…was it for me? I was too afraid to touch you for you were so delicate. But as a matter of fact all I wanted to do was to hug and kiss you. I saw you…I saw myself.

The rain came and then the thunder, the winds were strong or was it a tornado…you held on to me. And my arms wrapped around you protectively. No wind can take you away and no rain can wash us apart for you are my child. What a brave heart you have for kept on pulling away uncertainties and hurdles, you tried till you succeeded. To climb the stepping stones in life and gradually you made me change from a mother to a teacher and at times a student too..

You are learning to walk now learning to stand on your own. And I am so happy you made through all the hurdles. But what lies ahead? My childhood was full of butterflies, puppies, flowers and toys. And by god I am so damn lucky I had them..

But what about you my dear..?Is it AK 47s, hand grenade and atom bombs? What can I promise you my dear? When I have nothing to promise for myself? I have no idea whether ill live tomorrow. For the world is one hell of a place to live…and then someone says its survival of the fittest. Is it applicable to all those orphaned yesterday by the carnage at mumbai yesterday? With what hope will I send you out, even to a school? I have no worries whether you will survive . But that whether you will come back home alive…

There are a lot of people who doesn’t want a child. And I stand by them. There is nothing left in the world other than anger, vengeance and sorrow. People are dying everyday for someone else’s ideologies. am i bringing you up as a prey for others to simply slay? I am so sorry to have brought you in this world and I hope you will forgive me…here i am bleeding, for Ill always love you..

PEEK-A-BOO

how does it feel like when we come back home from work? especially after a busy day. most of us would just be feeling that comfort even by thinking of home and our cosy,warm bed.doesn't it look inviting. And to have bath in our hot tub,that's really soothing. But how does it look like if your home is under surveillance.surveillance by strangers.yes this happens in our society and goes around most of the time unnoticed.is it because people enjoy it?the predator and even the prey?yes it is interesting to dig out into others privacy especially when no one is noticing.but isn’t it a social evil ?one of my friends still puts on this anecdote of her’s in our conversation-.it was the experience she had with a man who tried to peak into her bathroom.fortunately he was caught red handed.he was obviously beaten black and blue.but this is just a small one and we all know it as he was caught.how many incidents goes unnoticed?

Most men I would say fall into this category.especially when they get an opportunity to peek into women's privacy.what are they thinking only god knows?is it some kind of pleasure?any small gap even a microscopic one attracts them if it opens up into a woman’s room especially bathroom. how interesting isn’t it?and the desperation in their eyes.to look on to what is happening inside can only be compared to those of a vulture’s into that piece of delicious meat .how does these people feel when their own privacy is being disrupted? or rather their lives are being opened up to the public?even the little peek-a-boos they do.and interestingly in broad day light they sit on like a gentleman fully civilized only to bring out the uncivilized beast in the privacy of their house.don't be shocked there are men unlike these Hippocrates doing their bit of glory into this field in open public too.one of my friend once spotted out a man in the public restroom at a hospital!
Peeping into your neighbours life too is as shameful as these tactics and our ladies are into this wonderful business’s.i once had to go for a kitty party and i was taken into by self pity.i was in the middle of ladies and conversations which were rather too odd . it all started like-"did you know….that …and …are into a blah blah blah" and the conversation goes on.blame the listener I should say.


It is a fact that such privacy peepers do exist.and nothing could be done unless they are caught.which rarely happens.our lives are our own and so is our privacy.the best way is to be extra careful.and when one of them are caught I feel that they should be brought out into the attention of the public,the media and to their kin. but as for now lets not make our privacy a pleasure for strangers.


So the next time you go to your restroom be careful someone might be watching you.

lets discuss

i was just wondering how many of you have seen the movie 'A WEDNESDAY' and if you haven't please watch it.

what is your idea of terrorism?
does any religion ask its people to kill the innocents?
what do you think as the civilians or rather as a common man can do to wipe out this evil from our society??

please respond :)

CURIOSITY AGAIN!!!

i heard it again and this time it was louder and clear.the little girl screamed!and that really made me nervous.was it some kind of fight between her parents?is it a theft or even worse is it a murder?by god i had no idea..and as long as i stood hallucinating i know i am going to get into the worst of imaginations.which i really did not appreciate.well time was running and i had to think.then it came to me that even after such a lot of noise why were the neighbours least interested?had everyone gone deaf??i took up the girl and brought her to my apartment and then it began to rain.



the clouds screamed out their confessions and cried out with the rain.it was getting darker,but so was my mind.i could feel my heart racing up and roaring at me.i finally decided to go down again.but i couldn't hear anything now,except the rain of course.maybe the rain must have muffled up the noises.i climbed down the stairs slowly but unsteadily as i still didn't have any idea to put on.finally i reached the apartment.and then i knew it was all mum.maybe everything was over..at least i saved the little girl.i slowly tried to open the door..and i was surprised it opened up eagerly..



as i entered i could find the furniture all out of place and some broken.then i saw her..a woman clad in a sari.she looked petrified!my god was she raped???i really didn't know how to handle this situation.but i knew i had to.if i don't no one would.i came close to her..she looked up..and then i saw her face......it spoke of terror..she was breathing really hard and was sweating profusely.

i was about to say something when she started screaming!



and yes i was taken back and screamed back impulsively.and that made her hysterical.she was pointing at the corner and was talking in some language which i just discovered existed!but i looked where she was pointing at.she was pointing at the bed.or rather under it.





well now i was sure it was a murder!it would be an intruder or worse her husband?i was perplexed.i am in a situation which i knew is not meant for me.everything was going on so fine for me.my whole life...my husband,my kid and our career.everything was going on the way i wanted it to.

but as someone said good things never lasted.here i am now in the middle of nowhere a possible witness to a murder.i couldn't just think of the days ahead for me after this.its not my comfortable bed,my happy child and loving husband.its not the clear blue sky,the butterflies and birds....its going to be hell.i knew it even when i saw the lady crying hysterically my mind was running.



but i had to face it anyways.i went towards the bed and bend down.and to my surprise i found a cockroach!

CURIOSITY!!

its power cut time again..and i was too lazy to get up from my bed..though my love kept on persisting that it was tea time.i was dreaming something..but don't actually remember what it was?maybe its too good to remember..cause people always tend to forget the best things in life.
i got out of my bed lazily and was doing a bit of stretching..suddenly i heard something break..mm was it one of my bones..nay!it cant be..I'm not that fragile..or am i?or maybe its my pyjamas again..they always mock me with their stupendous satire.but no it wasn't them this time..

i heard it again..and that's when i was in the kitchen sleepily making that cup of tea.i had to switch off the gas now.but purposely forgot.after scampering around for a while i finally found the source it came from downstairs.but what was it?it actually sounded like the war of the vessels..BANG! i heard it again..it was getting louder..my curiosity took over and i ran down..

and there i saw a small girl almost in tears now..wondering if the matter was too serious i came closer to the scene..it was flat no1106 and to beat my curiosity the doors were locked from inside..what was happening?

RANCOUR

my grandmother used to tell me...the trees bend down when the fruits come up..

what a beautiful concept..to be humble and down to earth even after conquering the greatest of heights...

i was recently visited by one of my friends.i was to recieve her with a lot of happy news and to have spend a lot of quality time.but to my surprise i found a total make over.i had known her for years from the time i had joined my school.she was my best buddy for time unknown.we loved and cared for each other and was there through thick and thin.she used to be my reflection.and even after my marriage we used to keep in touch and i knew that she was one person who really was happy for me.


but then something started changing in her.it almost felt like she was so near yet a huge distance existed.and there was always a predominant lull hanging around whenever memories flow.was it a blankness.i cannot yet understand.but all i know is that she had changed.it was
he had changed.there were only little phone calls.and not even friendly messages or scraps.it was like she had an alzhiemers, a special one that effected only that part of her memory where i existed.i wasnt sure whether it was something i did.but as far as my memory could go i was innocent.i knew that there was a fierce competition amongst us.but it was all healthy and good.and it was just for good academics.both of us silenced it most of the times.but i am sure it never crossed its limits and was never a reason for this sudden distance.she recently got into one of the best colleges and i was completly happy for her.it was like a dream come true for me.she was my friend,she was i.

wheneveri think of it now this change came over her exaclty after she
entered this new arena.there was a huge competition there too.and a competition where one can survive only if armed properly with a fierce foundation.and i was confident in her because she was not only good but the best.

the spectacled face showed little emotions.it was plastic,it was a strangers.she wore somethin i have never seen her in.and by god she looked good.but something wasnt her.she got into my car and i saw her face again.there was nothing friendly again.she came and then she went.and during the short time.all she could
point out were things i didnt have or rather those things she had!she was cynical about everything around.and then i knew this was not the friend who meant such a lot to me,not the one who was the reason for my success, not the one who shared
my joys and cried for my misfortunes.this was a stranger who wanted to reach somewhere big,and is ready to put all the relations at stake.
and the reason she came?was it show me how much she has outgrown from the little world we used to live in?or was it show my nothingness?
i could see something dancing in her head and i knew she has reached into the greatest of heights from where she couldnt hear anyone calling not even the memories which had already shed its leaves.she was like a fruitless tree adamant never to bend down or to look behind the lane of memories,not even to
those people who helped her and stood by her.


love is the most powerful emotion in the world.but in love is there a room for hatred too?why is that someone who was so close,leave scars in the heart?why does people change when they reach the greatest of heights?is it because of the shed of memories?but now i now i know
i lost my friend......

silencing the adults....

i recently saw a video from you tube of a 13 year old who silenced the world for exactly 6 minutes at the UN meeting on the issue of environment,and i was spellbound.her speech actually made me think about whats exactly happening in our world.

people are giving importance to politics,power and so many unwanted issues that they are actually giving little importance to basic things like life.most powerful gentlemen usually tend to wish to maintain their positions.but little do they think that for keeping up whatever they want to do they should be alive.and for being alive any organism however powerful they are needs basic things which are attainable only from the environment.what happens if the environment perishes?there is no man(or any other beings for that matter).the girl reminds us from her simple but heart touching speech that the adults are the one who should set example for the youngsters to follow.but are the adults setting up a good one?is killing the rain forests,cutting down the trees,killing animals and polluting the environment the best path to follow?if one doesn't know how to fix up things he must not destroy them too.
rain forests,beautiful things like grass,woods and butterflies are not only for the adults to enjoy when they were children,but it is for the future generations too.and it is not bound to be in the fairy tales or even just an imagination.

is it that difficult to maintain our environment especially when it is for survival?its always survival of the fittest.man has been ruling this world for centuries and has been destroying the world too which was in return to all the love and care our mother earth has showered us with.if even the children can understand,what is it with the adults?it is not that they don't understand its just that unlike the children,adults are not innocent,they are selfish,arrogant beings who wants money and power.whats money and power without happiness and well being??

the girl points out that even when poor people are ready to share things with others the rich are not.this applies to the developed countries.they are ready to help only in return of a favour.

i think that instead of killing time and doing nothing we should spend our time in social service activities.by uploading videos like this someone has done a great job by at least spreading awareness.and when people view this i am sure that they will be forced to think.it would be good if people posted on good videos like this instead of putting up stupid movie songs and other porn videos.lets all be creative and utilise our creativity for a good cause.


this is a must watch video and please do post in your comments to me about this issue.

give wings to your imagination..

is there a limit to imagination?i personally don't think so.but whats it with our film industry?everything is a remake.they borrow stories and even dialogues from other movies.in the beginning it was from the English movies but now its stealing ideas from within the country.the director Mr priyadarshan is the best example.he remakes the Malayalam movies which were mega hit in the late 80's.its not just the story which is remade,even the dialogues are translated. doesn't this show lack of ideas.if a director doesnt have a new idea or a different and good one why waste time and money of the viewers?why showing the same movie over and over just by calling it a remake?

i think there should be some law to prevent remakes. there is nothing as a remake,there should be just one creation..

power

last Saturday that was 16Th of august 2008,i had the worst experience in my whole life,i had bend my head down.down to such an extend that i could touch my feet.the day was as usual as any anther day in my life..i was at home doing my daily chores n experiments...in the evening my husbands friends came home...it was fun..they were good people n the ones i like most among his friends..as usual they decided to go out n have a drink or two n i was at home waiting for some excitement...after they came back we decided to go for a movie(though there was a lack of good movies)..at the multiplex we had to get tickets n there was a big discussion for deciding on a movie as all the movies were flop.finally god thussi great ho won..(statutory warning-do not watch it)..i suddenly noticed a woman standing in Que..she was wearing a yellow see through blouse and a black three fourths..i suddenly remembered my first experience with a whore i saw in the somwarpeth..well i think they were way better than her..there was some kind of negative energy coming out from her .she was a keen observer i should say..and was trying a lot to win attention which i think she had already won with her huge statistics..n little clothes.

interested by the posters..i was having a peek but then suddenly there was a havoc..as i turned to see i heard her shouting "bastards" to my husband and his friends,and they were reacting back too,she was told to f*** off for which she asks to f*** his mother..and then the fight continues.she warns us by saying she has a good hold over here.and off she goes to show her might and power.

after about half an hour she comes with 3 police men and they take my husband.all this time i was wondering what was happening..at last we all had to beg to her to release him..after which he was released..

during the discussions we had with her and her friends it was obvious that everyone knew she was the one who started using abusive words..even her friends were actually in our side.even the cops were on our side.but they had to stand helplessly as her uncle was the commissioner.

from this incident i was clear what the world was turning into.its turning into hell!where there is no hope for justice.our constitution has given power to woman.is it for misusing it?can a woman talk rubbish and insult men just by saying she has power (for she has influence)and in spite of a man being insulted in public by a woman doesn't he have the power to react back?why is our constitution one sided?is it time for manism and manisation?is this equality?and about the system if i should say..its a big bullshit..anyone can do anything in this world if he has someone of power with him..

as her friend said-"if you have no power or money you should not react to anything"....even a murder..

rigmarole.. :P

i was just looking through my life..was wondering how it all started..my grandmother,my mother,my husband and now my kid..they all have become an important part in my life..though my grandmother is dead now..sometimes i wonder how was i able to bring in such a strong bond..but then i think i know the answer..its all there within..

these days i really wish i was born again..like a nymph having lil bit of powers..u know the fairy stuff..so that i can make everthin come into my way..what do u guys think are there fairies in this world?or is it just our imagination??post in u r comments..

LACK OF PARKING ZONES IN PUNE

I have been noticing for sometime that though pune is supposed to be a hyper city.there is little parking space and even if it is available the people are being charged, burning a hole in the pocket.it almost seems as if people are fined for owning a vehicle.the authorities are too keen to take away the vehicles parked in the no parking zone,but lilttle do they bother about putting up a free parking zone.

ELEMENT

hi
an element is a necessary or typical part of something...through my blog i want this element of mine to become an element of yours...
hope i have helped u in someway....